Gift Packages for the Wives and Mothers at home!

Today I got a lovely surprise from my husband via Full Circle Home.  Deployed Soldiers can go online and request a package be sent to their wives or mothers if they aren't married for Christmas. It was filled with love and 12 days of Christmas themed! It was so nice to see the love and care they took to wrap each individual package. I almost didn't want to open it! I especially loved the bracelet from Things Remembered that was engraved with "Love from (duty location)"! Its those little touches that make it extra special! Not sure if they have any left for your men to order, but definitely worth keeping in mind for next year!

Professional Photos by local photographers for deployed/deploying military!

Operation Love Reunited provides 2 photo sessions for families of deployed soldiers to a certain combat zones. The above photo was one taken shortly before my husband left for Afghanistan on his last deployment.

The two session consist of a pre-deployment or during deployment photo shoot (not both). They are to be patriotic in theme and if the service member is present in uniform. I actually really liked this requirement because my husband is VERY handsome in uniform yet I have hardly any good pictures of him in it. The second photo shoot is a homecoming shoot.

From the first shoot a small pocketbook will be made of the photos and sent to the service member directly. The program is meant to be a morale booster for them so the photographers are NOT allowed to give you the photo books. Many do optionally offer discounts and these vary from photographer to photographer. Mine at the time offered a 50%  discount off her hefty fee, the CD still cost me $250 dollars, but the pictures were amazing and priceless, I think she may actually be more now.

I have not only been a participant in the program I have also been a photographer for it, and it truly is a very rewarding program!

Photo Quilts for children of Deployed Servicemembers

Operation Kid Comfort is a program through the Armed Services YMCA.  They make the cutest quilts or pillows depending on the age of the child, 7 and above receive the pillows.

This is a lengthy process but it is well worth it! We requested our quilts in August and our name came up in October, so they are still being made now in December. So request it AS SOON as you can. When you get those orders and have the pictures ready! I knew it was coming for a few months ahead so I started collecting photos, and I even took the kids out and took some new ones with their dad right before he left to include with them. I also used photos from his previous deployment that Op Love Reunited took (more on that in the next post!).

These will be a true treasure for years to come, so I strongly encourage everyone to get the requests in. It doesn't take much time at all. IF for some reason your photos won't upload, email them right away! I had this issue during the last deployment and just let it go when I shouldn't have, but I tired again and had the same issue, but I was able to get an email response about it very quickly then was able to email in my photos.

SO what are you waiting for go request yours now! http://www.asymca.org/index.php/what-we-do-3/national-programs-services/operation-kid-comfort/okc-quilt-request/

The link takes you to the online request form for families NOT near any of these locations...

ASYMCA of Alaska
Camp Pendleton ASYMCA
Southeast Family ASYMCA
Fort Bragg/Pope AFB ASYMCA
Watertown Family YMCA
Killeen ASYMCA
ASYMCA of Missouri
Junction City ASYMCA
Honolulu ASYMCA
San Diego ASYMCA

If you are near one of them then you need to request your quilt from that location directly!

YMCA Memberships Free while on Title 10 orders!

The YMCA has an amazing program if it works for you! While your spouses is deployed/Title 10 orders you can get a free membership, they go for 6 months and then renew for 6 months if you hold up your end of the bargain. When you take the membership you agree to go at least 8 times a month (basically twice a week). 

That doesn't seem like that much and it is amazing program. I signed up the last time my husband deployed but for us the nearest Y was 20 miles away (almost as close as the nearest gym that's 15 miles) so I figured no biggie. Unfortunately at 5 months postpartum it just didn't happen. I will say that it was a fabulous place to do my sons birthday party, they swam for an hour and then we had an hour in the room for a few games cake and presents, and there was no cleaning on my part, so that's an excellent resource to keep in mind!

You can get more information about the YMCA here and how to sign up. It was pretty easy!
http://www.asymca.org/index.php/what-we-do-3/national-programs-services/ymca-military-outreach-initiative/

Free Doula while Spouses are Deployed!

There is a really neat program out there called Operation Special Delivery they provide No Cost doula services for delivery when spouses are deployed.

I haven't personally used this service but I know having support when you are delivering is crucial!

Check them out at:
http://www.operationspecialdelivery.com/

FREE Sittercity Membership!!!

SITTERCITY  offers a free membership to their site for all Military families (reserves/national guard NOT on Title 10 orders too)!

I have never been entirely comfortable finding help off craigslist, I did it once for housekeeping and the girl worked hard but was very flaky. Then I tried once for daycare and that was a nightmare!

So I hopped at the chance to grab a free membership to sittercity, not everyone on there is background checked but it is very easy to see who is, and you can always offer to pay for one through their site. This is a resource I find invaluable, personally I only do the ones that already did it themselves, shows me they are more serious about it. However, if I ran across someone I liked I have that ability right there, I wouldn't even know how to do a background check on my own.

Its NOT just babysitters, it's housekeepers, it's pet care, it's Nanny services and babysitters of course too. So I highly encourage everyone to check it out, especially if you have GASP looked on craigslist before for help!

https://www.sittercity.com/register_corp_1.html?corp=dod&client=67

MyCAA Grant- School Tuition

There is a program that many spouses haven't heard of, its called MyCAA. The basics of the program are you can get up to $4,000 to use for school or licensing. It is limited to $2,000 per calender year. You can only use it for certain programs at certain schools. It is also limited to E-5 and below and W1-W2 and O1-O2.

****As a reservist's wife you ARE eligible for the program ONLY when your spouse is on Title 10 orders and providing you meet the other guidelines,

One of the things I do with every deployment is take on a project it helps me stay sane. So with the last deployment I took some classes in photography through correspondence courses. Many of the programs are available this way, so if you have kids its still an awesome way to do something for yourself!

These classes could be for most associates level classes, and certification type of courses. It took a few weeks to get registered when I did it, I think the school slowed the process down some. MyCAA was wonderful at answering my questions and helping me understand the documents needed to get registered! I suggest you check it out.

Information from their website:         

The Military Spouse Career Advancement Accounts (MyCAA) Program

is an employment assistance program that provides up to $4,000 of financial assistance to eligible military spouses who are pursuing a license, certification or Associate’s degree in a portable career field and occupation.

MyCAA Program Basics:

The MyCAA Fact Sheet explains:

• Who is eligible to participate in the MyCAA Program
• What MyCAA funding does and does not pay for
• How to establish a MyCAA Account
• How to provide feedback to MyCAA
• How to get additional information and assistance

Coping with Stress/Deployments

In light of the tragedies at Dyess Air Force Base, I felt like something needed to be posted. There is so much out there about: oh the FRG should have helped, someone should have checked on her more, etc. Maybe they should have, but it is a reality that we can be invisible if we choose to be.

The other component to that that I wanted to specifically address was this aspect for a reservist's wife. Often times we are not near a base, or it is not our branch so while they help us out its not the sense of community that you may get on active duty. FRG's are often not very active, or not from your area either which makes it even more challenging. Personally I know with my husbands first deployment, the FRG literately forgot i existed on a regular basis until I would call and ask for help on how to do something, or in the most extreme case how/where/when for homecoming!

I didn't want this just to be oh what a tragedy, oh its so hard for us post. I wanted to put out there information on where to get help if you should need it. I think it is wise to know *before* there is a problem what your resources are and how to access them.

~Military One Source~ 1-800-342-9647
This is a HUGE resource that is fairly under utilized. For this post I will focus just on Mental Health component of it, more later on a separate post.

Military One Source offers 12 free sessions per issue per counselor...so if you are having issues with your spouse that's one issue, but depression would be another issue. There are three different types, you can choose the one that works for you best. They offer: face to face, telephone, and online counseling. So if you need some sort of help but aren't ready to go to an office just yet there is this bridge. After 12 sessions then you would need to go to tricare.
FAQ's about the counseling!


~Tricare~
Again I'm a HUGE proponent of knowing whats out there before you have a problem, I'm also a planner. So one of the things I suggest for everyone is to go to Tricare's website and find a provider NOW. Just do it so you have someone already if you should find you need it. If you already have that provider in mind you might pick up the phone a lot faster than if you didn't.

Find a provider here!

You do NOT need a referral to seek mental health services regardless of your plan (Prime/Remote/Standard/Reserve Select) for your first 8 visits, so just pick up the phone if you need help. After those 8 visits your provider will seek out authorization to continue.

I do take my own advice, I found a provider that works for me, I went to their website and I bookmarked their page just so I have it.

~Battle Buddies~
Your husband probably has one why shouldn't you! Making friends can be hard but I highly encourage you to find another military spouse who has some idea of what your going through, it helps if you have kids if they also have them, or the opposite,  If you have kids you may be so overwhelmed you don't know which way is up, if you don't you may be very lonely. Everyone struggles at some point, your probably lying to yourself if you say you don't.  I lied to people all the time, its that whole keep your head up put on a strong face mentality, but the person that hurts is me!

Its also invaluable to have someone you can talk to. Many times your spouse was that person but as many of us know or have been told, we don't involve our spouses in those conversations anymore or as much because we don't want to distract them. So having someone just to vent with is priceless!


If I can think of anything else I will update this post but I think Knowledge is also power so I wanted to put it out there...
From Military One Source-

Quick Tips for Recognizing Depression

Depression can be very serious, but it is treatable. Here are some common symptoms:

• Persistent sadness or anxiety. Feelings of irritability, panic, or restlessness. Episodes of crying or tearfulness.
• Feelings of hopelessness, pessimism, or helplessness. Feelings of worthlessness or inappropriate guilt.
• Not wanting to leave the house. Withdrawal from friends and family.
• Loss of interest or pleasure in life. This might include loss of interest in sex or other activities that were once pleasurable.
• Changes in sleep or eating patterns. Difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep, or sleeping too much. Sudden weight loss or gain.
• Decreased energy. Lack of energy or motivation
• Difficulty concentrating. Memory loss, difficulty making decisions.
• Persistent physical symptoms. These might include headaches, digestive disorders, or back pain.
• Alcohol or substance abuse.
• Thoughts of death or suicide. Contact a health care professional immediately if there are thoughts or talk of suicide. You can also call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at1-800-273-8255.If five or more of these symptoms persist for more than two weeks, it's important to contact your health care provider for an evaluation. Effective treatments exist.

Your Family Support Center can give you information and support on many issues that affect service members and their families. And Military OneSource, a free 24/7 service from DoD, available to all active-duty, Guard, and Reserve members and their families, provides information and referrals plus face-to-face counseling. Call 1-800-342-9647 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting FREE 1-800-342-9647 end_of_the_skype_highlighting or access www.militaryonesource.mil.  

Things Remembered ~Nominate your hero!

Do you know a military hero? Nominate a currently deployed member of the military to receive a gift this holiday season when they're away from home: http://bit.ly/TRNominate

Tricare Prime or Tricare Standard?

When your spouse activates for more than 30 days you have a decision to make, you will automatically be enrolled in Tricare Standard but then comes a very personal decision, do you stay with standard or enroll in prime? I have done both and I will outline both to the best of my ability from my experiences. The one thing to keep in mind is that with both of these you don't have t pay for the coverage monthly.

~Tricare Prime~

The main advantage to Tricare Prime is that there is no copays at the doctors/urgent cares/or emergency rooms and most medications. This is a HUGE advantage for many.

There is also no deductible!

-For me the drawbacks were if you lived within so many miles of a MTF (military base with medical, I think it stands for military treatment facility) then you will have to get a primary care doctor on base. You used to be able to go to the Tricare office on base and request to use your off base provider for "continuity of care" but I have heard from other spouses it is getting harder to get that.

-You have to have a referral for EVERYTHING. This also meant getting in and getting a referral for every specialist I was already seeing. (Tip-Take your medical records in with you, this makes this a lot easier as well as a word doc with all your docs names, practice names, addresses, phone numbers, fax numbers so you get referred to the right docs and all of them.)

-You also have to have a referral to go to Urgent Care, if you don't get one, Tricare may not pay, and I have heard this is happening a lot more often.

-I personally always found it really hard to get in for an appointment on base. So if you have a cough or cold or I had a severe ear infection, couldn't get in!


~Tricare Standard~

Flexibility! You don't need a referral for anything, and for me that is huge! I know a lot of women that choose standard when they are pregnant because they didn't want to be seen at a MTF and/or deliver there.

You also see all off base doctors. You don't need to rerefer for any doctor you are already seeing.

You can fill your prescriptions on base still if it is formulary and not pay the copay. I don't live that close to base but if I have several prescriptions I will detour near there and fill them.

Drawbacks of Standard-
There is no monthly fee, but you do have a cost share and a deductible. There is $50/$150 deductible depending on rank, per person in your family...up to $100/$300 per family.

You also have a cost share which means you pay a percentage of what Tricares payment would be. So if the doctor were to bill 1k, and Tricare pays $100, you pay a percentage of that $100. Its 15% I think. Always double check your Explanation of Benefits to make sure your ONLY being charged your portion of what Tricare is paying. I used drastic numbers to illustrate a point they aren't generally that drastic, but I have had doctors try to bill me the wrong amount before. When in doubt call tricare they are VERY helpful.

When talking about the amounts you pay it is important to weigh that you only pay at most $1,000 out of pocket for the family. After that everything is covered 100%, you may have to remind doctors or more often pharmacies that you have met your out of pocket therefore you owe nothing and they should call and check benefits again.

The fiscal year roll over in October, so that is when you deductibles and out of pockets restart every year.

The biggest thing with Standard, is if you go this route, make sure you know your benefits, stand up for yourself, and watch that out of pocket number!



Ultimately, Prime or Standard is a personal decision. My first deployment we went Prime, my second deployment I was seeing multiple specialists, so we went Standard, this time around we are on Standard now, but in October I am not sure what we will do. I prefer Standard but we are on a money saving kick, so I don't know if I want to spend the $1,000 because I do always get there and usually pretty fast.

Strong Bonds Review

My family and I had the privilege of attending the Army's Strong Bonds retreat last weekend in Anaheim, CA. We attended the family version of the program. There is also a couple's version that I hope we can attend someday, but this review will pertain just to the family one.

We stayed at a lovely hotel in Anaheim. It was the Sheraton Anaheim Hotel it was beautiful and was referred to by the staff as the "castle" hotel. A fabulous buffet breakfast for two was included for each room, then we paid for my sons at $10 and the baby was free, although he ate more than my son!

The deal with Strong Bonds is you do have to pay for the hotel upfront it was about 130 a night I think, and then your soldier submits it for reimbursement on DTS (Defense Travel System). Ideally your soldier is a government card holder and you can just charge this. The caveat with that is you have to make sure his unit turns on the card. (They turn it on and off with every set of orders.) We discovered when we got there that they had not turned his on, thankfully this was not a first for us, a few phone calls up the chain of command to a few not so nice officers got it taken care of and we were good. Personally I love how my husband was read the riot act by an irritated Major because someone else didn't do their job. He was on speakerphone and OH how hard I had to bite my tongue!

Meals also needed to be charged or paid for and then you received per diem back. For our 4 day trip the per diem was 248.50 per person. This is definitely a sufficient per diem and the way we choose to use it was to eat cheap on most meals and then splurge on others like Dinner with Goofy and Breakfast with Mickey. These are character meals at the Disney hotels so no admission into Disneyland is required.

Did I also mention that your soldier is on orders so he is paid to be there? Again, you are paying in advance but for most people this offsets the cost of Military Disney Tickets that you can purchase through an ITT office on base.

The general schedule for the family retreat was a mixer Thursday (no its not check in and leave like most of us thought), this lasted about an hour and a half and all family members must be present. Friday was 9a-4p, and yes they went the whole day. Saturday was 9a-12p, so plenty of family time after. Then Sunday was 9-11a with an optional service before if you choose to participate no pressure at all.

Now off of the details and onto the actual review of the retreat. The retreat is put on by the Chaplains. This scared me away a little but don't let it. It is definitely anything from preachy and very little religion if any is actually mentioned. There were some fun family activities and some lectures too. We made a family mural, which was actually a little more fun than I thought it would be, it was just a little difficult to get onto the floor to trace each other. My family choose to take a more creative spin on it and the boys made each member a superhero. My husband was of course Captain America!

There were activities about actually listening to your kids and what they say. Most of these activities were to my dismay done with other peoples children. I didn't really find myself overjoyed at the idea of bonding with another couples kids which we did three or four times over the weekend. I do understand the concept though, that your used to tuning out your own kid (come one admit it you do), so another child is probably necessary, and then one of the other activities was meant to have someone else brag about your kid. I would have liked on the whole more interaction with my own child.  My oldest child is 7 and some of the content was presented in a way that was over his head, did I mention the PowerPoint's, now I know the Army LOVES it's PowerPoint's, but with a group of kids its a little dry for them!

Bottom Line would I do it again ABSOLUTELY! We got a basically free trip to Disneyland out of it! Was there some useful information, yes, most of it is relatively common sense, but its also some of the stuff that if it isn't in front of your face you may not even realize it!

If you want to attend you need to check out Strong Bond's Website for upcoming events. Some of them are unit specific some they have Open Enrollment for, for us this was key! Also, make sure you ask your soldier what RSC (Regional Support Command) they are under, it was the one number in the chain of command I didn't know. Wow didn't I feel silly when the chaplain who told me about the event was like uh your in this one, hehe! Also, you have to attend the one in your area, don't try and go to Hawaii, it's only for those stationed there! (I'll admit it I tried.)

Dealing with Deployments!

It is that time again in my household, the dreaded "D" is in full force as my husband has departed for his third deployment in five years. It's never an easy thing to deal with and we all cope differently. I find as the wife of a reservist we have different struggles. My husband has yet to deploy with his unit, and is always cross-leveled out to a unit from another state. That leaves the camaraderie of a FRG (Family Readiness Group) pretty much out of the question. Since we are also geographically separated from many Army units, the closest people who can understand are Air Force wives. They thankfully have been very accepting of me, but I find they don't always understand either as their deployments are usually 4-6 months versus the year or longer that my husbands is. When it comes down to it though, every persons deployment challenges, length location are all different and all still a challenge for that person! When we were away at a Strong Bonds retreat last week (more to come on that later) another wife nailed it, I am pretty numb still in regards to this deployment. It's a fact of life, I can't change it so I am just getting through it!

When my husband leaves I always try and find something to keep myself busy. I usually end up leaving my job because the cost of daycare and the extra toll on my kids just isn't worth it. The first deployment I was working on my Bachelors Degree. The second deployment I decorated and renovated my house. This deployment I think I decided to work on me and getting into shape. Depending on his return (there is always talk about the dreaded extension word too) we may plan on renewing our vows, since we never had a real wedding. That definitely should keep me busy, it also goes hand in hand with the weight loss!

I also find that I tend to overcompensate with my children. We go out and do more to distract them from what is missing. I think if anything I do it to distract myself from what is missing. One of my favorite things to do is look for memberships to places on the deal websites like groupon, livingsocial, etc. My goal is to go out and do one special thing a week with the kids. The memberships (which were discounted) help offset the costs of all those activities!

I have lots of little tidbits coming soon on different programs available to deployed spouses, some I have used, some I haven't. So stay tuned for upcoming information to help you and yours!

If you ever have any questions find me on facebook and ask away!

FREE Daddy Dolls for deployed Military!

One of my favorite organizations is Operation Give a Hug. I am sure you have heard of Daddy Dolls, and probably even did a quick Google search for them. There are different varieties of them but usually the one thing in common is they are EXPENSIVE. Operation Give a Hug provides Daddy Dolls to the children of deployed military for FREE!

If you are Army you will likely get a camo print one very quickly as the Army provides funding for them. Other branches can receive a "patriotic" themed one as funding becomes available from private donors. Don't let that discourage you, get your name on the list ASAP! Susan runs this organization and does everything she can to accommodate all requests! Visit Operation Give A Hug and request yours today! If your Significant Others unit is deploying please ask the FRG/AFRC etc leader to request them in bulk, it does make it much easier on the organization. I just requested them for my husbands unit after I got a quick head count, it was very easy!

http://www.operationgiveahug.org/

Free Retreats for Army- Strong Bonds Program

If your an Army spouse chances are you may have heard of the Strong Bonds program. If you were like me you knew about it but had NO idea how to actually use it.

What it is: A program for Army families, Couples, and Singles meant to strengthen relationships.

From their website:
Strong Bonds is a unit-based, chaplain-led program which assists commanders in building individual resiliency by strengthening the Army Family. The core mission of the Strong Bonds program is to increase individual Soldier and Family member readiness through relationship education and skills training.
Strong Bonds is conducted in an off site retreat format in order to maximize the training effect. The retreat or “get away” provides a fun, safe, and secure environment in which to address the impact of relocation's, deployments, and military lifestyle stressors.

Where do you find more info: www.strongbonds.org

You DO NOT always have to attend with your unit. While it is designed this way they do have ones that state "Open Enrollment" we are attending one in about a week that is an open enrollment retreat.

For us it is an opportunity to get away right before a deployment and if it help[s our family all the better. We live in the southwest so out retreat happens to be in Anaheim, which happens to be where Disneyland is located. So I bet you can figure out where we will be in our off time!

Whats the catch you ask? You do have to sit through the classes, don't try and skip them. The other catch is outside of airfare (if necessary, we are driving) that the expenses are reimbursed, so food, gas, hotel do have to be paid up front. If your spouse is a Government Card holder, they can be put on the card. For us per diem is 248 for the four days per person. So we eat cheap most of the time then we can splurge on things like dinner with Goofy and Breakfast with Mickey and maybe a souvenir or two for the kids.

I will let you know how it goes when we get back! Seems like a good deal, I suggest you check it out!

FREE Boys and Girls Club Membership!

My husband is gearing up for another deployment. One of the events we must attend is called Yellow Ribbon. Its basically all our pre-deployment information. Well I actually learned something I didn't know and that was that the Boys and Girls club provides a one year free membership for deployed military. The timing was interesting because I JUST discovered like 2 weeks before that we had one somewhat local. Something I never knew in three years here and still only found out because I happened to see a bus of all things. So check it out, it may be a good resource for FREE aftercare if you are working, or you just need a break!

From their website:
More than 70 percent of military families live outside military installations. Through funds provided by the Armed Services, military youth have access to a one-year, no-cost membership at a traditional Club. Today, more than 15,300 military youth are served at 1,216 traditional Clubs.


                                   Boys and Girls Club information found here!

Tip of the Day-Register at your Nearest Base!

TIP of the day!  Your probably thinking but the nearest base isn't my branch! It doesn't matter!!!!

Did you know you can register with the "Family" center of your nearest base! For instance, I am an Army wife but my nearest Army base is FAR away, an Air Force base is the closest. So one day I took myself on base and went to the Airmen Family Readiness Center (AFRC) and asked to register with them.

Yes I felt a little silly asking at the gate where the family place was, and the guard looked at me puzzled for a minute. He figured it out and directed me there. After I got over that I went in.

They put me on the list for emails and I was connected to this base. When my husband last deployed they took good care of me, even though I was Army they treated me like their own! It was a great way to get clued into family and community events for the Military! There are all kinds of events that happen throughout the year on every base, you usually can participate even if your NOT part of that branch. Christmas time is HUGE to be connected! I can easily think of at least four events I wouldn't have known about if I hadn't gotten over my shyness and did this.

So here is your task for the week. Go to your nearest base and register with the family center.

Introduction

There are so many blogs, facebook pages/groups, and websites out there for Military families. One of the common threads though is they seem to be always geared towards the Active Duty (AD) side of life. The difficulty with this is that is just one portion of our military. The reserves are very much an active component of the US Military day to day operations. Their families face many challenges when their husbands and fathers are away and unfortunately a lot of the resources are not as handy when they go to deploy. There are always a lot of questions and not a lot of answers or people to turn to for those answers. TIP: As I come across resources I always compile a word document that I keep for later. My husband may not be deployed at the time I find it, but we all know he probably will be at some point!

I started this blog to help all the wives know they are not alone and also to help if they have questions they need answered, I will always do my best to find the answer, and I am very resourceful!

A little about me! My name is Tiffany I am an Army wife, Arny Reserves Wife that is! My husband has been in for several years and has deployed multiple times over those years. He is in the company of the majority of Active Duty families with the frequency that he now deploys. Most recently he wasn't even home a year in between.

We have two beautiful children that due feel the effects of the deployments as well and I do everything I can to ease that burden. You can join me on my journey to find ways to keep them connected to their father.

I am now a stay at home mom but I was a working mom during these deployments. Thankfully, with some budgeting and couponing I have been fortunate enough to make that transition for my kids sake. I do know both of these paths have very unique challenges and I will do what I can to address both of them for you!

If you ever have any suggestions you can comment or email me at thereservistswife@yahoo.com

                                  Follow me on Facebook HERE The Reservists Wife